It’s Ok to be Nice to People, But You Have to Do This Also

OK, I’m going to clear up some common misconceptions about being a nice guy in today’s post.

A lot of guys seem to think being nice to people is a bad thing. And the only way to get girls and get ahead in life is to be an asshole.

This is completely false and it’s coming from a butthurt place.

I used to be a nice guy, too.

I got taken advantage of all the time, I never got that many girls despite being “nice” to them, and even when I was being “nice” to people, it wasn’t entirely by my own choice.

See, there’s actually a big difference between being a “nice guy” and a kind, giving, and strong person.

And assholes/fuckboys aren’t getting girls because they are mean. Women are attracted to their confidence, their devil-may-care attitude, and their ability to make girls feel strong emotions.

Well, ofc there are women with daddy/mommy issues and maybe being an asshole will attract them. But it’s more of a broken people attract broken people thing. Been there and done that, and trust me it’s not worth it.

Most nice guys are “nice” simply because they have low self-esteem.

They are being nice to guilt trip people into giving them what they want, they are afraid of being confrontational, they are terrified of being abandoned for being imperfect/making mistakes, they often neglect their own needs in a friendship/relationship, and they are actually resentful deep down.

And I know by saying this I’m gonna trigger people again. But fuck it it’s the truth and I was like that too.

And if this is you, I have a wake-up call for you. Maybe you have convinced yourself that you are a good person. But you are actually just a weak asshole who’s too afraid to own it.

This is not me judging you. A lot of times nice guys grew up in a hostile environment and had to be that way to survive. But being a nice guy will get you nowhere in your adult life.

You can change if you want to though!

And I don’t mean you need to go to the other extreme and become an asshole. I made that mistake but the reality is, people who are healthy and successful will never associate with you if you are an asshole.

You can be a strong, capable, and confident version of yourself who’s genuinely trying to give value to the people around you, who’s genuinely kind to people in need, and who’s not afraid of having an aggressive/dark side.

But the key difference is you are being good to people out of your own choice. You can also choose to be violent if someone deserves an ass-kicking. This is not toxic masculinity. You need to be capable of extreme violence and choose to not use it. I’m working on this myself too (training in fighting and firearms). And I’m not walking around looking for fights. I only do this so I can protect people I love when shit hits the fan.

But if you are weak and only being nice to survive, there’s nothing admirable about that.

It’s better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener in a war. Even if you want to be a good man/husband, you still need to have your teeth and claws to defend.

You can’t go from being a nice guy to a strong and loving guy overnight.

But you can start by being more direct with people and learning to say no as your first step.

You can start by being more unapologetic with what your want. If your intention is to take a girl out on a date cuz you like her. Don’t hide it. Tell her. Worst case she rejects you and you go talk to other girls. Don’t friend-zone yourself hoping to get laid one day.

You can start by building more win-win relationships and stop being friends with people who take more than they give. There’s nothing nice about sacrificing yourself for someone else’s needs all the time. What about yourself and your own needs?? Can you not love yourself equally as you love the other person??

Just some things you can start doing right away. I highly recommend the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” as well. You won’t stop being a nice guy overnight but you can certainly start the journey today!