How to Value Yourself and Set Boundaries When Messaging Girls
This is a short breakdown of my exchange with a girl on one of the apps.
All personal details removed so don’t freak out lol.
She went from giving me attitude and very short replies to double texting me and asking me out on a date.
And this is not a manipulative thing you do. You have to embody the principles.
And you have to genuinely be willing to walk away from any girl if she acts up.
And you never get angry at the girl. There’s zero emotion involved. This is about valuing your time, attention and having real boundaries.
So I liked this girl on one of the apps. I liked her bio, she looked great and she had some modelling pics w/ nice photography.
A few hours later we matched and I sent her a message. I’ll remove all the personal details and nonessential parts of the exchange.
Me: Hey XYZ, I didn’t know girls in IT can be this cute!
Her: Now you know
Ok, I could already sense she was giving me a bit of attitude. Sometimes girls will just mess with you a bit to see how you react. And if you don’t get emotionally affected it will make you look good in her eyes.
Sometimes girls are just seeking validation on these apps and they are just rude to guys for entertainment.
Maybe she was triggered by my assumption.
We don’t know which one yet at this point.
My principle is, if someone is nice to me, I’ll be the nicest and most respectful person back to them. And I’m actually very kind to people by default.
But if someone wants to be a dickhead to me I have no problem being a bit of an asshole back.
And this is not coming from a butt-hurt place. Remember, you don’t get emotionally reactive to these things.
So I decided to call her out on this and set some boundaries. People only treat you in the way you allow them. And you need to stand up for yourselves.
Me: Are you always this friendly to people who compliment u
Her: Lol. Thanks
Hmm, she’s still giving me a very short answer and not putting real efforts into the convo
Now I was like…alright fuck it, I’ll talk to other girls. Most of the girls I’m chatting with are super sweet and interesting. Why would I waste my time on someone who’s rude and unpleasant?
A lot of guys will make a mistake here. They will try even harder, keep sending her long and nice messages to keep the convo going.
This will make you look desperate and chasing her. And only encourages more bad behaviors in the future.
And she’s gonna see you as someone she can walk over. Then you’ll never have a chance with her.
But remember, this is about valuing your time and attention and having real boundaries. You don’t do this as a manipulative tactic.
I forgot about her and never responded back.
About 1 day later she liked my previous message, I guess to get my attention back.
I mean I’m still a dog and she looked good in her pics. So I thought fine I’ll give her a chance to redeem herself.
I messaged her back.
Me: That’s better. Are you from XYZ?
Her: I’m from XYZ (country, city name)
Me: is that why you are so feisty (girls from that part of the world have that reputation)
Her: Not related. And haha, are you from China?
Me: Yes. I grew up there.
Then some more banter and small talk.
Me: What do you do for fun? Besides modeling and breaking hearts.
She became a bit nicer here so I gave her a compliment back as well. And I was genuinely trying to find out what she was about to see if I would like her.
Her: workout, eat, sleep and etc
Ok. I didn’t like the answer she gave me at all. Just because you are good looking it doesn’t mean you can skip having a real personality. At this point, I completely lost my interest in her.
I never messaged her back because I’m too old to put up with this shit. There are equally attractive girls who are a lot more fun to talk to.
The next day, I guess she realized I stopped texting her.
11 am
Her: I recently wanted to try XYZ for fun and learn this and that.
I think she realized I didn’t like her boring answer and she tried to redeem herself here.
I was busy with work so I didn’t respond. And frankly, I just wasn’t that interested in her anymore.
2 pm
Her: Do you wanna go to XYZ bar with me? I’ve never been and I’ll pay my own bill.
I never responded. If I was younger and I only cared about getting laid. I might have replied back and gone out with her.
But she already annoyed me twice and I could already predict how entitled she would act on the date, in a relationship.
I was genuinely not interested.
I need to stress this one more time. This is not a manipulative thing you do, this is not an act. This is the way you have to BE when interacting with women. If she’s nice to you, be nice, be a gentleman, and show her a great time.
But if she acts like a brat, you simply stop giving her your time and attention. You leave her on read and go talk to other girls.
Value yourselves, fellas.
Even if you don’t have another girl to talk to. You walk away. Don’t sacrifice the long game for one girl.
But don’t be a dickhead to girls and don’t insult them. There’s zero need for that. And never get angry or butthurt. This is simply a creed you live by.
Not always, but often they will realize they fucked up and you are not some guy they can walk all over. And they will start chasing you. Pretty girls aren’t used to being ignored. But if you do this as a tactic and you actually don’t have the willingness to walk away, if you actually care about getting her. This won’t work.
Taking away your attention is a great way to flip the dynamics around when someone is acting like that. But I just personally don’t wanna deal with brats anymore.