The External Validation Trap - How it’s A Double-Edged Sword

Today I want to talk about the danger of building an ego around your success with women (external validation) in dating.

First of all, what do I mean by “building an ego around your success with women”?

We’ve all been there. You meet this girl who is just a little bit cuter than all your ex's. And for whatever reason she likes you and tells you you are attractive.

You feel like you are walking on cloud nine knowing that you got this girl in your life, you show her off to your friends and they all get jealous, you check your phone and she’s sending you cute messages and asking you to hang out.

Great feeling isn’t it? Walking around with a cocky smirk and a big ego.

“Look at me, I’m the fucking man and all the girls want me”

And when you meet other girls, you feel just a bit more confident and relaxed than usual because you know even if other girls reject you you still have that girl in your life.

Well. This is actually a dangerous trap you want to avoid. And I’m not talking like I’m better than you. I know this is a dangerous trap yet I still willingly fall into it and have it blow up in my face all the time lol.

And I hear you, what’s wrong with feeling good about being liked by girls?

Well, the same mentality that allows you to build an ego around your success in dating will also be your demise.

This is a double-edged sword.

Say, today you are dating this smoking hot girl, you feel like you are the fucking man and you are on top of the world.

What if she dumps you tomorrow or worse, leaves you for another guy?

If previously you felt good and confident about yourself because some hot girl liked you. By the same logic, are you just supposed to feel like a worthless loser no girl wants now?

You see how unstable and reactive your emotional state and sense of self would be if you allow others' opinions of you to determine your self-worth and identity?

It works both ways. If you allow others to give you reasons to feel good about yourself, you will also allow others to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I don’t have all the answers and solutions. But I believe the best way to not fall into this trap is not to base your sense of self-worth on ANYTHING external. Both good and bad. You nip that shit in the bud.

Anyways just a topic that’s been on my mind lately, thought I’d share here with you.