The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Dating Photos
Introduction
In this blog, I’m going to show you what makes a dating photo attractive to women, and how to avoid these 7 common mistakes people make with their online dating profile photos.
So you can get more matches online, go on more dates and find love and connections.
Sounds good? Let’s dive in!
The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Dating
Terrible fashion and personal grooming
Unfortunately, looks and image DO matter when it comes to online dating. And a lot of guys on dating apps are shooting themselves in the foot by neglecting their fashion sense and personal grooming.
Some common mistakes men make with their fashion and grooming are the followings:
Baggy and oversized outfits
Not choosing the appropriate colors for their skin tone
Unflattering outfit choices for their body type and height
They desperately need a better haircut
Yes, I hear you. I know people shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But unfortunately, this is just the reality of online dating.
The male-to-female ratio on dating apps is 3:1, and typically women take mere seconds to ‘swipe left’ or ‘swipe right.’
There are simply too many options available to women on dating apps.
If you want to do well with online dating, you have to play by the rules and present yourself in the best way possible.
And trust me this is worth it.
Even if you are not tall and model-looking, you can still improve your physical attractiveness massively by getting the fashion and grooming handled.
This is the fastest way to improve your looks and of course online dating results.
As a side note, you can also hit the gym harder and follow a skincare routine. These things take time but they will make you appear even more attractive to women.
So how do you go about improving your fashion and grooming?
Easy. There are many free resources available on the internet. I highly recommend these men’s fashion blogs.
https://www.thetrendspotter.net
https://www.youtube.com/c/AlexCosta
https://www.instagram.com/magic_fox/
If you don’t have the time to develop your fashion sense, you can always pay for someone to help you with it.
For example, you can hire a personal stylist/personal shopper to pick out outfits for you. Just do a quick Google search and you will find plenty of them in your area.
If you go to a high-end luxury department store (such as Saks, Nordstrom, Holt, and Harry Rosen), they will also have stylists on staff to guide you.
If we work together, I will help you get stylish outfits for your photoshoot too.
Gents, there are no more excuses for dressing poorly in your online dating photos.
Don’t ruin the first impression and lose potential matches!
Nervous and stiff body language
A big part of my approach to online dating photos is backed by evolutionary psychology.
In psychology, there is a term called ‘dominance hierarchy’. Basically, this means we humans are social animals and everyone has a social status ranking.
Guys on the top of the hierarchy are highly desired by women and respected by other men.
And women can subconsciously pick up subtle signals you give off via body language to determine your ranking.
If you exhibit high-status signals (looking calm, grounded, and in control), women will be more attracted to you.
Sadly, I’ve reviewed hundreds of guys' dating profiles and most guys look timid and uncomfortable in their photos.
Some common examples are:
Closed-off and defensive body language
Fidgeting and other pacifying behaviours
Tension in the joints and muscles
Not taking up enough space
Submissive body language displays
Hiding hands in the pocket
All these things will turn women off.
And there’s no quick fix for this.
Your body language directly mirrors the emotions you feel inside, and you have no conscious control over it.
If you want to display high-status body language. You need to feel extremely relaxed and comfortable first.
You can not just “pose” your way into having good body language.
So how do you relax when you are taking photos for your profile?
Glad you asked.
First of all, you should read “What Every Body is Saying” by Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent and body language expert.
You’ll get a basic idea of what attractive body language looks like.
And you’ll become more aware of your body language mistakes.
Then you can meditate while taking photos.
Just try to quiet your mental chatter and pay close attention to the physical sensations in your body.
This will calm you down and make you more relaxed.
Lastly, you can train yourself to let go of any performance anxiety you may have when it comes to looking good for the camera.
You can read more about that here
Once you feel relaxed, you can then start consciously correcting body language mistakes and tweaking your poses to look more attractive.
But this will not work if you are still feeling self-conscious and nervous.
PS. If you really struggle with doing this on your own or want to skip all the work, you can always hire me to do your shoot. It doesn't matter how camera-shy you are, I will make you look good!
Unnatural and awkward facial expressions
The root problem and solution are the same as the previous one.
If you look awkward in your dating photos, this just means you were feeling uncomfortable and tense when you were being photographed.
It’s just another symptom of you not feeling fully relaxed.
And being 100% relaxed is mandatory for taking dating photos! I can’t stress this enough!
Looking stiff and awkward = looking low status and unattractive to women.
Practicing meditation and managing your performance anxiety will also help you with having better facial expressions.
Once you feel at ease, in most cases it will fix your awkward facial expressions automatically.
As long as you are in control of your own emotional state, you can even conjure up different emotions and express them too.
Contrary to popular advice, I actually don’t recommend people practice facial expressions in the mirror. It's not that easy to master.
An easier way to project attractive emotions is to visualize a scenario and almost become an actor.
Let me elaborate.
You must understand that we are not robots and we can’t just express emotions authentically without actually feeling those emotions inside first!
So if you want to look happy in your photos, you have to find ways to make yourself feel happy inside.
If you want to look confident, you have to put yourself in a relaxed and assertive headspace first!
Everyone is different and you have to find out what works for you.
Build up those positive emotions inside of you by visualizing scenarios or role-playing, then project those emotions outwards with your eyes.
Once you can access your emotions and project them with your eyes, the rest of your face will follow too.
This is doable on your own, but if you really have trouble with looking relaxed and natural you can always hire me to help you.
Trashy backgrounds
This is pretty obvious but surprisingly only a small amount of guys on dating apps get it right.
And no, I’m not telling you to run to the nearest park and graffiti alley to take your dating photos.
While it’s true that how physically attractive you look is the main determining factor of how your profile photos will perform on dating apps, having the right background will definitely help.
Think about it, where your photos are taken is a subtle but clear indication of your lifestyle and social status.
And yes I know this is superficial.
But as we already discussed before, people on dating apps have a short attention span and they only know you by your photos.
If you want to do well you have to make sure your dating photos are taken at aesthetically pleasing and trendy places.
Don’t take photos at random/ugly/cheap places.
It’s actually not difficult or expensive to achieve that.
Just go on your local blogs and find some cool cafes, lounges, and restaurants. These places make great backgrounds for dating photos.
Go to those spots with a buddy or photographer and have them take some candid and everyday life photos of you.
And trust me this indeed makes a difference!
To try hard/staged/posed
I get it, as guys, we all want to impress girls in one way or the other. But there’s a fine line between showing your best qualities and trying too hard to impress.
I’ve worked with CEOs and business executives, sometimes they even own yachts and supercars.
But they aren’t trying to show these things off right away on dating apps.
This will only attract the wrong crowd or turn women off by looking desperate.
Of course, women find successful men attractive. But it’s not only about the money.
Successful guys also tend to be ambitious, intelligent, driven and have strong leadership qualities. All these things are highly attractive to women.
In my opinion, it’s much better to convey these attractive qualities with photos than to take photos with your expensive toys.
For example, a candid photo of you in a tailored/bespoke suit at an event or a photo of you giving a speech in front of a crowd will look great on your dating profile.
Also, an important thing to keep in mind is - people on dating apps want to see candid everyday photos (candid means someone took a photo of you while you were not aware), not staged/posed/modelling-looking photos.
Because most women want a guy who can authentically, unapologetically, and effortlessly express who he is (a guy who lives his life to the fullest, does cool stuff, and have friends to take photos of him), not a guy who carefully manages his public persona with staged photos.
But hey, I totally understand! We are dudes, when we go out socially we don’t really take photos of each other.
It’s natural that most guys don’t have that many great candid photos of themselves. Don’t worry though! I have reverse-engineered candid photos and now I can do it on command for my clients.
But you can totally try doing it on your own too. Just go out with a buddy, do some fun activities, and take each other’s photos.
The key is to solely focus on whatever activity you are doing and forget about the camera. Just let your friend snap photos of you on the side.
You should be able to get some candid photos this way!
Poorly done Photoshop and face filters
As mobile photo editing apps become more popular, I’ve noticed more and more people using them to edit their dating photos. When used properly, these apps are great tools.
But a common mistake I see is that people go way over the top with face retouching and it makes their photos look extremely unnatural and photoshopped.
And trust me most girls can spot a photoshopped image from a mile away. And they will swipe left on you if all your images have obviously been photoshopped heavily.
Again, I’m not against photo retouching. I do it for all my clients too.
But the difference is that I know what I’m doing and I aim to keep the image realistic and the retouching is done subtly and skillfully.
If your current images have been butchered by DIY Photoshop/mobile editing apps, it’s best that you find the original images and then re-edit with lighter touches or just hire a pro to do this.
Terrible image quality
This is pretty self-explanatory so I won’t go too in-depth with this topic. If your photos are more than 2 years old, blurry, taken in poor lighting, etc, you are really sabotaging your own love life and happiness.
If you aren’t getting the results you want right now, it’s usually because your photos aren’t good.
Check out my Instagram to get an idea of what great dating photos should look like.
Conclusion
I hope this blog has provided you with some ideas and directions to improve your dating profile.
If you just execute what I just told you and get better online dating photos, your results on dating apps will skyrocket.
Sure, good-looking people will have a much easier time with online dating (or dating in general) but this is not an excuse for you to settle!
Even if you are not model-looking, you can still do decently well with dating apps as long as you don't make these mistakes.
So take a second and ask yourself - are you happy with your current dating life?
If there’s a tiny voice in the back of your head that says “I deserve better” - listen to that voice and nurture it!
And I know most of the people who read this won’t take any real action to improve their dating life.
And the same people will look back on their life and have tons of regrets on their deathbeds.
I made the decision to not be one of those guys.
In case you didn’t know this about me, I struggled with online dating HAAARRRD in my early 20s.
I remember the days of endless swiping and not getting matches, all the unreturned messages, and all the nights I was at home alone while my friends were out on dates.
It made me feel unworthy, unwanted, and invisible. It was FUCKING rough.
I legit thought there was something wrong with me.
Thank god I never gave up. I tried literally everything to improve my own results and I finally figured out online dating through sheer perseverance and stubbornness.
And if I could do it, so can anyone.
The choice is yours, and no one else is coming to do it for you.
If you are serious about improving your dating life, please go out and take action to get better photos (Either by DIY or hiring someone like me).
You will thank yourself later.
See you on the other side brother!