Common Online Dating Struggles Asian Men Face

Introduction

Hellooooo, my fellow Asian brothers. It’s time for our annual meeting where we get together and cry about how impossible online dating is for us Asian guys 2024 edition. Get your paper towels out and everybody hold hands….

Just kidding!

Yes, online dating, especially interracially, can be harder if you are an Asian man, but I’ve said 1000 times before and I will say it again, it’s entirely doable and you shall never take on a defeatist mentality.

The majority of my clients are Asian (East Asians and Indians) and I know for a fact that they are getting matches and going on dates. I’m not just telling you some fantasy and giving you false hope. Plus, Asian girls generally like and prefer Asian guys. So you shouldn’t have a tough time matching with them as long as you have a decent profile.

That being said, you do have to be mindful of some of the common challenges you face as a single asian guy on dating apps. We will talk about these challenges and how to overcome them in today’s article.

The 3 Common Struggles Asian Men Face When Dating Online.

Negative Perceptions and Being More of a Niche Product

Let’s not beat around the bush about this.

As an Asian guy using dating apps in Western Countries, a higher percentage of non-Asian girls will swipe left on you just because of your ethnicity. Which is fine, everyone has the right to like what they like.

But it does hinder your online dating results because dating apps use algorithms to track your stats and give your profile an internal rating.

When a higher percentage of girls swipe left on you, the algorithm will take that as an indication of your profile photos being shit or you are just “not attractive”. And that lowers your ranking which leads you to be shown to fewer girls in the future. This is why some guys tell me that they get very little results despite having an average profile and swiping on others constantly.

A few ways you can get around this:

Use Hinge and Spend Less Effort on Tinder and Bumble

I’ve noticed that Hinge in general works best for Asian and Indian clients. My clients upload the same photos to Tinder and Bumble, but their results can be hit or miss. My theory is that the algorithm on Hinge is more forgiving and girls on Hinge evaluate their potential partner with slightly different metrics (less about looks, and more about long-term potential).

Identify Your Type and Communicate That with Photos

As we know, different girls have different types. Some girls love the brooding musicians, some girls want to marry a powerful businessman, some girls may find those rebellious bad boys exciting, and other girls may be drawn to the intelligent academia type.

So you need to figure out what type of guy you are, and strategically use your photos to communicate that to girls who are into guys like you.

Say you play sports and you have a great body. A lot of girls will be into that. I want you to go out and take some photos of you playing basketball or hockey. Get some photos of you rocking a jersey at a sporting event. Show off your athletic build with beach photos. You get my point.

Now all of a sudden you are not just some Asian guy in their minds. You are the athletic guy. And girls who are into sports will start matching with you.

Maximize Your Profile Photos and Bio

Being an Asian guy on dating apps is not easy, you can’t just throw up some half-decent photos and expect good results. You have to try harder than others. This means getting the best online dating photos possible and making sure your profile is absolutely on point. I know it’s not fair but it is what it is.

Having to Overcome Nerdy/Nice Guy Stereotypes

I’m an old man and I remember a time when Hollywood was working extremely hard to portray Asian men as nerdy nice guys with zero sex appeal. Younger Asian guys will have an easier time on dating apps thanks to the recent popularity of K-pop and Anime. But If you are a 30-something Asian man meeting with girls around your age, you are gonna have to overcome these negative stereotypes girls automatically have of you.

After all, culture does have a significant impact on people’s perceptions and preferences.

And before I piss off anyone, let me start by saying that there’s nothing wrong with being nerdy and nice to people. I’m a super nerd when it comes to a few topics to and I’m generally nice to others. And of course, girls are attracted to intelligence and compassion.

What makes “nerdy nice guys” unattractive to women is the implication that they lack social confidence and swag. And if you are an Asian guy on dating apps, you need to be extra careful with how you present yourself so you don’t get instantly categorized as one. Because that kills the initial attraction and results in a quick left swipe.

So how do women on dating apps even sense that you lack confidence from your photos? It’s actually pretty easy for them because they are a lot more intuitive than us guys when it comes to reading your subtle mannerisms and body language.

If you are looking stiff, anxious, or awkward in your photos, they will spot that right away and put you in the nerdy nice guy category. If you dress like an uncle and wear eyeglasses that are purely functional and not stylish, you will get labeled as a nerdy nice guy. (Regardless of whether it’s true or not)

For us Asian guys, we have to go out of our way to get photos that make us look socially confident. And dressing stylish is very important, too.

I currently don’t have a magic pill for you that can instantly make you look super confident in your photos (if your default is being camera shy) unless we work in person and I coach you.

But for starters, you want to get your performance anxiety under control when taking dating photos. Because the pressure to perform will make anyone nervous and stiffen up. And you will look less confident in your photos.

What you do instead is that you get as relaxed as you can before taking any photos. Looking relaxed = looking confident. Consider this process as the warm-up.

When you are taking the photos and begin to feel anxious and have tension in your body, just take a break to get comfortable again before snapping more shots.

And it’s great if you can go do some social/hobby activities and have your friends snap candid photos of you in the moment. Or you go to a cafe with some friends, talk to them and share a laugh, and have one of your friends take candid photos of you joking around with your friends.

This way you are not constantly thinking about the camera and feeling the pressure to look perfect. And you will naturally look more outgoing, confident, and charismatic in your photos.

As for clothing, just go on men’s fashion IG pages and screenshot some trendy outfits that look good to you and go buy some of those. It will make a difference in the way you are being perceived.

This also applies to when you are messaging girls. If you don’t know how to flirt with your matches and you come across too “nice”, she will lose attraction very fast and stop responding to you. Read this blog if you wanna learn how to message girls and get dates.

Your Own Limiting Beliefs and Confidence Issues

I’ve talked to a lot of Asian clients and I’ve noticed a common theme. A lot of us Asian guys struggle with our identity and feel that it’s the reason why we will never be attractive to women. Hey, been there done that. I struggled with my lack of confidence for so many years.

If you hold some subconscious or conscious beliefs that you are inferior for being an Asian man and girls don’t like Asian guys. These negative beliefs will bleed into the way you act around girls and make you less charismatic.

So you are gonna be too afraid to make a move, you are gonna try too hard to prove your worth, and you will act insecure around girls. And this eventually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and girls reject you for your unattractive behaviors (note I didn’t say they reject you because you are Asian).

Then you will be like: “See! I knew I couldn’t get girls because I’m Asian.” which strengthens your negative (and false) belief about yourself even more. This is a downward spiral you do not want to get sucked into.

Yes, some girls will not be into you because they are not into Asian guys. But a lot of girls will also be into you. Some may even fetishize you and want to make you their Korean-boo. (sarcasm intended)

You need to stop giving a fuck about if a particular girl likes you or not. If someone doesn’t like you, it’s not the end of the world and there could be 1000 other reasons why they are not attracted to you besides your race. But if you let that affect you and make you lose confidence, when you do meet someone who would have liked you, you will act all insecure and fuck it up.

Take back your control. No one can dictate how you feel or think about yourself but you. Speak to every girl with confidence and if they don’t like you they can sod off and you just go talk to someone else. It’s really that simple.

Conclusions

Yes, it’s true that dating online as an Asian man comes with its unique challenges and it’s a bit harder for Asian guys to get matches online. And it’s sad that a lot of us Asian guys indeed develop a victim mentality and lose confidence in ourselves.

But there are ways you can overcome these challenges and still achieve great success from dating apps as an Asian dude. And know that a lot of the  “discriminations” you face are strictly cultural and it’s not a reflection of your worth. You are so much more than just your body and ethnicity.

Keep your head high and keep your heart open when speaking to girls no matter what.