I Stopped Chasing Love—and Started Becoming It Instead

Just a Man, and His Messy Journey of Becoming

I said I had stopped chasing love.

And love is about unconditionally giving from a place of being already whole…

But on some days,

I still equate being liked by a girl with being lovable.

Sometimes, I still give to get something in return.

And sometimes, I still stretch the truth.

Because a part of me fears the unedited version isn’t enough to make someone stay.

Just a messy human, still failing, still becoming.

Different Versions of Me Along the Way

I was the “spiritually enlightened guy” in 2020.

Who held onto a piece of reality and opened his notes app during a mushroom trip in a pitch black room, and wrote:

“How I treat others is the same as how I treat myself. In order to truly love others, I need to love myself first. ”

“Misery happens whenever I start to live in my mind and thoughts.”

I had a glimpse of the truth. But I wasn’t living it.

Because deep down,

I was still that “treating love like it’s a chess game” guy.

I had all the strategies, I navigated dating like a chess game tournament.

“If she says this, then I will do that, to create the desired outcome.”

“Dating is just a numbers game, who cares?”

“I have to be more high-value to win at life and earn love.”

I stripped all humanity from love.

I wasn’t being real.

I was showing up in a costume, reading from a polished script.

I kept myself in a cage, and kept everyone else at an arm’s length.

And all that surface-level charm and bravado?

Merely armour. Nothing more.

The Truth: I Was Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

All my life, I rode on my high horse and told everyone and myself that I was just an old-school romantic in a world full of casual relationships and superficiality.

There’s still truth to that,

At the end of the day, I want to find my person and spend the rest of my life annoying the shit out of her.

But I also failed to see my blind spot.

Because somewhere inside that beating, romantic heart, there was a void that I hadn’t filled.

I couldn’t give anyone love in its purest form when I hadn’t found it within myself yet.

So I blindly chased it.

Looking for love in anyone and everywhere,

except within.

The Shift: Becoming Love and Redefining Masculinity

In 2023, I hit my breaking point.

I became tired of the prison I’ve built for myself, and the walls started to crack.

In the most beautiful, healing way possible.

I was tired of pretending I didn’t feel when I did. Because boys don’t cry, right?

I was tired of everyone telling me who I should be, because apparently, that’s what a “high-value man” looks like.

Most of all,

I was tired of pretending that I wasn’t broken when I knew I had inner work to do.

Lots of it.

So I went on a quest, burning off dead wood, stripping away a lifetime of conditioning.

In search of my essence at the core.

As they say, “seek and you shall find”.

Buried under all my fear and anger, there was still this whisper,

The little voice you can finally hear after you heal, forgive, and stop playing defence:

“I am me.

I am free.

I am love.”

Not the kinda conditional love that says: “I love you because you are beautiful or successful.”

But the kind of love that quietly looks into your eyes and gently whispers:

“I love the world, just because.”

And from that place, I looked back on my 20s, still with love and compassion.

You know what I realized?

All that social climbing, chasing external success, seeking validation through dating.

The things that were supposed to make me a “real man”.

They were just my ways of filling that void I had inside.

I thought I wanted to be physically strong and socially dominant,

But that was just my way of coping with my fear of not being “man enough”.

And I still want all those things, don’t get me wrong.

But the place it’s coming from is a little different these days.

I know this much, though:

True masculinity isn’t all this alpha male bullshit I used to look up to.

It’s being the grounded, loving giver who’s both strong and soft.

Who can hold space without performing.

Who can protect without posturing.

Who doesn’t need to prove his worth, because he already knows it.

Until I get triggered again, lol.

The Practice: What Becoming Love Looks Like Now

I truly believe that knowing something and embodying something are two different things.

I found the little whisper of truth inside of me, but there are still days when the ego gets loud.

But no one said living from a place of love was going to be easy, simple, and quick.

I still forget sometimes, my ego still gets in the driver’s seat sometimes, but I do my best to return to that truth.

“I am love.”

Love is not something you say; it is something you practice every moment in life.

Love is buying that homeless lady a slice of pizza and a bottle of water when no one is around to praise you.

Love is sharing your dinner with a stray dog waiting desperately at the subway entrance on New Year’s Eve, and wishing him a happy New Year.

Love is taking a deep breath whenever you get triggered and about to snap back, and choosing inner peace instead.

Love is walking around Herăstrău Park in Bucharest, soaking in the beauty of it all. And quietly wishing love and kindness to everyone walking by.

Love is knowing how to be your own cheerleader even when you fuck up, and telling yourself it’s ok and you are doing your best.

So yeah.

Life gets a little simpler and more beautiful when I stop living from my head and start living from my heart.

I’m not chasing love as much these days.

I know I am love, and it’s more about giving loving kindness to others than taking something from them.

I Don’t Chase Love Anymore. I Choose to Be It

I’m not perfect. I still slip up.

But I don’t need to chase anymore.

Because love isn’t out there.

It’s in how I choose to show up, moment by moment.

And every time I return to that quiet truth…

I become love.